twos

i almost ran over two skunks

i had been going to west for something like two months
it was not a long length of time
most people didn't know my name
i was walking down my alley
no more than ten feet away
black, white, furry
plodding
i stopped
it stopped
we stopped
he sprayed
then ran
i walked away
frustrated
i hate school
i hate school a lot
but i was already on my way
so who cared if i had the remnants of skunk smell?
surely i wasn't the only one this had happened to.

i hate school more when i smell like skunk
separated in classrooms
asked over and over
why i didn't just go home
my parents were working
i didn't want to inconvenience them.
i didn't want to miss my classes
falling behind more than i was already

i guess its one of the differences
between small town or city schools
in a small town
everyone would have known my name
in the city school
people forgot in a week
if they noticed at all

some people still remember
i do

i hate skunks.
they live underneath my porch in winter
they spray my house
it smells like skunk
for half the winter months
usually

we hopefully put a stop to that.


at seven eleven i saw two deaf men signing

i wish i understood what their wordless talk means
i do not speak hands
i do not speak feeling
i only speak with one language
this one
i am ignorant
i am sorry

i joke and say i speak enough spanish to get me in trouble
this is untrue
i speak enough spanish for them to understand i don't know shit
i speak enough spanish that i can get the old man to open doors for me
i can speak enough spanish to know
it isnt spoken in Bolivia.


i saw a man being sobriety tested by two cops

it made me think about how i treat women
lots of things make me think about how i treat women
lots of things make me feel stupid
i treat women stupid
i know this
i was born with stupid ways to treat women

i am amazed i've ever gotten laid.

i've always had the feeling underneath all this "gentleman" behavior
i'm that douchebag you wanted to beat up in highschool
using women
i used to say it was accidental
i didnt mean to hurt anyone
this is irresponsible

i dont treat women like i do men
i dont want women to treat me like they do women
because i want other things from them
comfort
closeness
contact

charlie...
you treat women stupid.
this is why your relationships fail

you know this deep down
it saddens you.
when sad
you treat women stupid
flirt more direct
dirtier comments
you want to get smacked down
have someone force you to change

you cant change on your own

that's how you found the military
wasn't it?

only you... only I...
would know.
weird isnt it
that you've forgotten the original reason.
now that you've committed.
you have so many more
but not that first original

you were never original.
you just try to be.
after awhile it's all lost.

thats why you excuse it with theories
"the stronger i get, the more i hate my poetry"
"the more powerful i seem to be, the dumber i seem to get"
"the better i see the less i hear"

excuses
ridiculousness


i have two eyes

eyes are the windows to the soul
i only need one to show you my soul
the other eye has been useless other than making depth
it holds another soul
one less important
the one that got away