buh, stuff like this... is should have a camera on a couple in convorsation n see the other persons reactions to the lines

I will hold you tight until the skin tears from my bones.
until muscles scream and tear.
whipping cords that will tie together in tangled air.
to put it simply, i'm not letting go.
it's the only thing i can show.
it's the only way.
i can say.
i know...
it goes without saying.
it always has.

how good I give head (upon request)

tip of tongue slick wet with saliva
licking luscious outer lips
exploring all crevices and tiny slips of skin.
up and down following canyons built by time and tenderness
when the quiver comes quick
teasing tongue takes time to feel tantalizing textures
hips move under pressure as tongue explores
caverns deep within the chasms
deeper, deeper
desire takes trembling skin and pushes
plush lips against the edges of eternity
through the passage of time
pace slows
sultry salty sweet
flavors left on slick lips looking for more
mouthwatering
bliss
then quaking quivers bring froth complex cascading emotions
tearing nerves asunder in the breathtaking experience
of me

this is how love should feel (cause i'd totally know)

enough passion moving against the currents of the universe
lightning screams across skies by thousands
fingertips across the chalkboard of whatever you thought "normal" meant.

let it hurt so bad you scream as thunder
feel millions of collisions on the atomic level
pushing through whatever normality you thought you had
right out the window in a vortex
spinning
spinning
spinning
lighting screams across skies by the thousands
screeching through your being
it burns
it burns and all you have left is that burn
deep in skin it kills your nerves
you cannot feel anything anymore
numb
passion expressed against the waves of the universe
sputter out
leaving calm cold skies
you're alone

dead end street

i am a dead end street
unless you live there already
the real point in diving down
is to see what lies at the end
spin round the cul-du-sac
look over a cliffs edge
stare into the wild

this is what i am
useless unless you already
lie within me
a dead end

sorry

trainwrecks

sees trainwrecks on a daily basis
nothing gives more of a high than jumping on for the ride
watching isn't enough

i want to feel... blunt. force. trauma.
i want to feel... impact. compression. destruction.
i want to feel... alive.

take my hand
ride with me
maybe this time we wont jump off at the last second.
we'll actually see it through

Moth Collector

watch the lit match burn
the tip glows red
as the wood blackens
flame shrinks
spreads
and grows again

flame is often used to express passion
did you know that little girl?
of course you did
you're smart
yes you are

too bad fire hurts
child and the oven and all that
like a moth you fly
reaching closer to the candle
entrapped
then caught
wings snipped
still beautiful
but broken
pinned down in glass case
for all to watch
only i to touch

look at yourself squirm
your skin turns red
your eyes blacken
body shrinks
spread
apart again

you are pinned in my glass case
dear moth
flirting with fire
now you'll feel the burn
forever.

blarg

right
wrong
these are just words
i've read too many tales
where the villain and hero
could be interchanged
too many of my own stories
have me in both places
i am torn
guilt-ridden warpath
blood on the sands
for just and noble causes
the uselessness of war
power

i once heard sociopaths
do not have their own emotions
but mimic those around them
if i have no compass to sail by
and no black or whites to make these shades of grey
can i say i have emotions?
or am i just a mimic
taking what i see
applying it to what i do
applying it to how i feel
applying it to my life

am i a sociopath?
would i know if i was?

sometimes you just need to tell the truth

i think joining the military was the first time i ever did anything unexpected.
first time people looked at me sideways and said "really now?"
first time people were legitimately surprised by something i did

i'm pretty sick of being predictable
everyone always knows what i'll say
the things i'll do
how i'm going to act
except for women who fall in love with me
then i seem to always be a never ending surprise
with lots of "i never thought you would do this..."
or "I never suspected you would be like that..."

i guess if you get that close to me
you either stop seeing the pattern everyone else seems to know
or i start showing my truer colors
i'm not sure...

i'd like it if i could change
it's just easier to do what everyone expects of me
because they need something
i'm not here for myself
i'm here for you
and you
even you

i'm sick of being that ego booster
that flirt who reminds you you're attractive
says he'd go after you in a heartbeat
those mean boys don't deserve you
honestly, i am not attracted to half of you
the other half, i'm attracted but not sexually
there's many i want for their talents, and attitudes
there's only a couple i really want for their bodies
and it's rare if i want one of you for your heart

if you were to offer yourself to me...
the thought would run through my mind
"if i say no, will it make all i said a lie?
will it make all those times i spoke
meaningless?"
that is how i would rationalize it
perhaps another part of me is saying
"Yay, free pussy" while another screams
"What are you doing? this isn't worth another part of you!"
because i would leave a part of myself with you

i'm sick of being that jokester
just one big fucking joke
i feel like the court jester
i can say anything i want
but who really heeds my counsel?
who sees the seriousness underneath?

some people know i'm not just here for a good time
i can have serious discussions
or take ideas and advice from sources i don't fully understand
i'm not stupid...
some of you expect me to be.
because i have done stupid things

maybe when i have gone for awhile
people will forget the edges
the little details
of what i was like to be around
maybe being away from it all
i'll forget the little details
all those stupid facets
maybe my diamond
will turn back into coal
smoothed by the ocean
dropped in the sea
passing ship
passing ship
come to me
i want to forget who i am
so i may start over

perhaps then
those who will remember
can look sideways saying "Really now?"
with surprise
and those who know what i've always wanted
will whisper "Of course"

i want to be some wise old friend
patient and understanding
no one expecting more from him
than whatever he can give
never expecting jokes
or flirtation
never expecting stupid comments
no fake ego to hide behind
just that friend
you like to talk to sometimes
sit around with

play a game
share stories
make a meal
just sit and enjoy the sun

i want to be that...
someone whose seen and done
what no one else has
and just wants to rest
enjoying his days

but i bet you already knew that
didn't you?
i know i'm pretty predictable.

just a little thing about today

"even before you go to bootcamp, it's not just about you not failing. it's about everyone not failing. there is no reason for only one person to pass, everyone must. that's what the marine corps is about. you help each other" - Lance Corporal who will be PTing with us for the next two weeks, n teaching us out info better. he's actually going to pick up someone running shoes because they cant afford them. they took him in as a recruiter's assistant because his wife goes to college up here, and he couldn't get leave to see her. i think i made the right choice in branches.

Paralells Phaeton/Lucifer:

Phaeton:

I tried to drive my father's chariot.
Took the morning star and rode on through the skies bringing day.
He did not see my wish to let the world start over.
They called it an accident,
said i could not control myself and that
is why i woke the sky serpent.
why i brought fire to the mountaintops
why i bathed civilizations in flames.
I was struck down hard by grandfather's lightning.
they still speak of my fall.

Lucifer:

I tried to take my father's throne
As the Morningstar i led forces through the day
He did not see my wish to let the world start over
But knew it was no accident
I could no longer control myself
Came down from the sky as a serpent
Brought fire to the mountaintops
bathed heaven in flames
i was struck down by Michael's lightning
they will always speak of my fall

Phaeton:

Lightning
raw power of heaven
drawn like a line
the bolt thrown as javelin
hard
fast
penetrates
yet leaves no shaft
to grip and remove
nothing can stop it
for it travels through your veins
lighting them all on fire
i knew the feeling of the world
in a beautiful pain
buzzing and crackling
felt the fires
felt rebirth so near
father said his chariot would be the death of me
he forgave me as he handed me the reigns.

Lucifer:

He was Lightning
Michael the power of heaven
drew the line
holding flaming sword
dropped for fists
hard
fast
neither of us would yield
entangled like earthquakes
he brought me down
let me feel the aches and pains
it was beautiful
he sent me home
trapped in ice so cold it burned
like the fires i let loose upon home
my father knew this would not be the death of me
i wonder if his son would forgive as easily



Narrator:

wonder if falling
Down from the heavens above
can happen often

or perhaps it's only ever happened once

what i'm looking for

thank you for wishing me luck
for telling me
how you hope i find what i'm looking for
hope i stay safe
hope i come home and visit you again
i will do these things
without any shadow of doubt
just for you.

i'm the traveler
the one who comes to a place
finds love
then leaves
the one who builds ties no distance can stretch too thin
always seeming to wander aimlessly
creating a family where he lands
although he has one of his own

this is what i am looking for
more travels
more families
more experiences
more ties no distance can stretch too thin
this is what i crave
bringing the world together
strung up in my own way
taking all you have to offer
all i have to give you in return
and tell the stories.

this is why i will stay safe
why i will come home again
the stories need to be told
to be spread
no science can replace
the way you can stand
be it in summer heat
winter snow
or anything in between
conversing
sharing stories
experiences
eating it all up
letting little details
form new edges
new curves
new facets
to your 3D personality.

maybe someday i'll be lucky enough
to make the world small enough
that all these ties
become one giant rubber band ball
bouncing through space
leaving a line to bring us home
stronger than any distance could hope to stretch

short and sweet

you are origami masterpiece.
such delicate soft folds in the flesh.
creating crescent curves captivating,
clinging concave patterns up and down your form.
you are beautiful,
soft as paper,
strong as paper,
i cannot tear you,
folded too many times over.
blank as paper,
let me write on you the words never spoken,
always thought

arg... dont know where i'm going here.

i am the disciple of the moth
i follow it's ways
speaking words our ears are too young to understand
dancing round lights and candle flames
dancing towards the sun
dancing with its mate
flit-flutter-by
flit-flutter-fly
up towards the sun

music

i never understood how strong music seemed to be.
you let it affect every part of your life.
for me, it's all background noise.
all firetrucks in the middle of the night.
all trains whistle through sleeping city.
when you thought of us you heard Bach,
i heard the humming of a bee.
someone needs to start moving away.
i'll take the first step.
i was always better at leading
always better at dancing
more focused on the motions than the music

we were always just going through the motions
while you, entrapped in melody
were thinking there was more to it than just me
moving my feet, singing out of tune
i'm home-recorded audio
with all that extra background noise
you can make music out of it if you want
i'll never hear what you have to offer.

house of emotion

i am building a house of emotion
using these tools i've learned
to place you inside
giving you a room
for the entire time i read this poem.

the foundation is self-experience
the bit of this story called life
that i've seen and heard
it gives me a way to communicate

the supports are vocabulary
using different styles
to hold up different walls
to make different points

the electrical is emotional
using words to move feeling
up, over, across
through all these rooms

the insulation is metaphor
hiding the studs
warming the room
while keeping sounds
separate

drywall, my favorite
is narrative
the story
it covers over everything
giving you a canvas to paint
or paper
or tile
but place something above all those tools
give the room a sense of completion

the rest, is merely trim-work and plumbing
neither my forte
but i can do the basics
maybe a little more than most

let me build you this house of emotion
i have the tools
now all i need is the time
i'll get it right eventually.

RPM

I am random particle motion.
constantly colliding,
bumping,
smashing,
tiny peices of myself against your grain.
you would try and say you saw it coming.
you were wrong.
i am random,
small particles invisible to sight,
my motion cant be predicted,
nor stopped by anything you throw at me.
i am not solid enough for your density game.
i am random particle motion...
with so much order.
predictable ideas .
i'm sorry...
i guess you did see me coming.

recovering slowly

my eyes sit heavy
fogging my vision
feels
like you punched me in the face
like recovering slowly
enjoyment

something terrible-great
must've happened to my head
to make me feel this way.
hit by a dream
hit with a baseball bat
yes

feels just right
a warm hand in the base of my back
fingers pulling my ribcage apart
recovering slowly
stitching wounds closed

healing
muscle cramps from time
cuts from your knife
bliss
endorphins flow

bite me again
harder each time
get closer to my bones
i want to feel this knitting

recovering slowly

birthday musings... aka i'm stupid when it gets close.

it must be near my birthday
i'm cranky
nor sleeping well

i hate birthdays
birthdays mean that the past year of my life
was probably wasted

spent doing something stupid
not something that matters
i always make bad choices

i'm a goddamn pessimist on my birthday.
i hate my birthday.
birthdays never go right.

not never...
just since i was old enough to have more control over them.

for my sixteenth birthday
while other kids had huge parties
and big deals

i took at nap
and got pizza with my family.
it was the best birthday ever.

i hate the idea of people getting gifts.
i feel like i owe them something
more than just a thank you.

i wont remember your birthday
i barely remember my own
if it wasn't for people reminding me
i would just forget it.

bleh
birthday...
fuck it.

Open Letter to the Cantab Lounge (Which is the venue that i've primarily heard open letter poetry) DRAFT ONE

I am in a forever state of winning you back
Once a month it seems I have to alienate you.
Offend you.
Make you know,
I do not belong here.

I know i don't belong here.
I've heard your venue called
"The best writing in the country"
i am not to be included
nor would i want to be
i am too young
too stupid
too against your grain

I am shooting fish in a barrel
sized to be an ocean
while you are all straight-razor shaving face
to baby-smooth skin
every hair removed
a poem blowing me away

sometimes i may hit something
you always finish with finesse

Cantab, you are amazing
i have never been disappointed in our short engagement
i believe i have disappointed you
hell i hopefully scared some of you
with these poems that give me dagger-eyes
these poems that give me
the most awkward applause
i have heard
in my life

i'll miss you
and this game we seem to play
where i push you all away
and try to win you back
maybe someday
when i push you away
you'll drag me down with you
then, i'll feel fully welcome.

- charlie

The Talk

this is role reversal at it's finest.
with the worst timing
my dad is giving me "the talk"
now i said this is role reversal
no story of birds and bees
we've done that before
no this is with worms
life-prolonging machines

my mother has MS

she recently had to do this talk
with her mother
my family has a habit of having to do this talk early
but we're stubborn

my dad caught me off guard
started the conversation
"hey, you mind answering a couple awkward questions?"
i figure their about sex
or how i'm never home
apparently always at poetry events
the next question should not have been

"If you go active... and the worst happens. where do you want to be buried?"

i have never seen beautiful graveyard
never experienced the touch of peace
bodies laid to final rest
no
that was ruined when i heard diesel engine
diggers
lawnmowers
this is not what i consider peace
no gentle hands tilling land
no smug workers smoking waiting to fill holes
holes they know they'll occupy themselves someday

i combat his serious statement with the same joke
i've been telling people since my death-obsessed phase
my tween-hood.

"I want to be taxidermy-ed , and kept for three generations minimum."

we share a stare, knowing that was not the ansewer...
but my dad
never one to let the joke end
pops into google
trying to find out if you can

you can... oh boy you can...

human taxidermy services
they offer poses
simple everyday things
like waving
to classic art poses
like david

we laugh... more than we should
we are disturbed... there are testimonies
there is a toll free number
there is shipping information

this is for real.
my dad asks...

"well... what pose do you want"

without missing a beat of thought i respond

"they offer classic poses, gimmie Karate Kid. use my hands as coat hooks, and my knee to place a table. i dont want to be wasted space"

i never want to be wasted space
we talked about that too...
more serious...
cremate me
send me to the cemetery
let me be buried with other soldiers
if you need a headstone
give me something simple
something secondhand
with a long history
put my initials on it
sign it with love
dont leave me flowers
no need to die above me

my dad gave me the talk
like my grandmother gave my mother
this trend is not one i particularly like
when i have children
i hope they ask me the same question...

although i doubt they'll know karate kid.

universal assumption.

so little know, that they know so little.
assume the universe is small.
assume it is big.
knowledge doesn't care.
it's ever expanding anyway.

Fucked up in the American Psycho sort of way

My skin always tastes salty in the morning
you deer-founded
lick gentle lines
up and down my arms
pausing at my fingers
placing them slowly into mouth
plush lips, gentle tongue
you tease me

I play along
as a good salt-lick will do
dangling innocent
your mouth gently pressures
skin gives way
you're kissing
fixated, entrapped

the lick is but an extension of hunter's arm
a trap to make good sight
deer in a headlight of violence
rifle snug in shoulder
inhale
safety off
exhale
pull trigger

I've just lined up my sights
no muzzle-flash yet
we are, slow-cooking dinner
spinning round and round
strung across spit

we wrap arms like pythons
suffocating in closeness
we pass breath back and forth
slithering skin giving soothing sensations
stealing my strength
I cant breathe
you're kisses, asphyxiating

hate being mouse
turn tides like moon
I flip you
wave crashing onto shore
storm-break
thunder-rattle
howl
push-pull
tear shoreline out
eat land whole
wolf-deer
hunter-prey
faster-faster-faster
hurry
make you
make you
make you
make-youmakeyoumakeyou

GOD

YES

you scream
this will not be the last time

inhale
safety off
exhale
pull trigger

you're right where I want
writhing in pleasure
numb to the world
you cant feel my python sliver
snakelike embrace
lost in ecstasy
an awake-sleep

I crave your salt
iron red
grizzle
you're my suckling pig
so innocent
strap you down
slick python coils

you lick salt
you crave salt
you love salt
almost as much as you love sex
love me

you don't
I know
this engagement was not for love
it was for sex, and salt
I am succubus
you are victim
deer to my salt lick

my skin tastes salty in the morning
but you...
battery acid. Iron
sweet perfume
vanilla shampoo
cute...
so cute
so cute and innocent

inhale
breathe deep
safety off

my blade comes out
licking lines across your arms
pausing at fingers
slowly pushing blade into flesh

I am starving pig
flesh in the pen
I flash blade into surface
wave crashing onto shore
skin-smooth
heart-strength
brain
intelligence-trading
tupi tribe tradition
ritual consumption
taste-pain
faster-faster-faster
hurry
make me
make me
make me
make-memakememakeme

exhale
pull trigger

GOD

YES

your flesh satisfies
giving me the strength to go on
whatever you had
is now mine

the ultimate of closeness
two beings become one.

repetition...

leeps next to thunderclap windows.
rattle'n'shake like a dancer on heroine.
rattle'n'shake like a baby with keys.
rattle'n'shake like muscles spazum.
i'll be sleeping right there.
soundless,
motionless,
with less energy to be spent
on mindless noise.

spooning

old windows shake like thunder
i think i miss you.
come back into my life.
i liked the way you fit in.
it was so much better than old windows
you didn't rattle
or quake
under the breeze...
you just fit with me
like we were in
a silverware drawer

commenting on a facebook status... imma toilet.

empty your contents
a child too full of delicious food
indulging till it bursts
up, up, up, and out
through esophagus and mouth... Read More
give me your history
i am the basin
catching all your pain
that burning feeling
that vile smell
that taste on your tongue
i'll take it all
no questions asked.

dont speak

I should not speak.
these words fumble out wrong.
i'm bad news babe.
my colors are not peacock plumage,
but butterfly's "beware, i am poison".

fly on moths

fly on a moth's wings.
their journey is leading to somewhere...
maybe we'll get there.
on the muse of poets.
celestial navigation of transverse orientation
making bulbs become moon rays become bent.
we spiral flight.
fly on to the light.
till our eyes go blind,
till our skin burns,
till we become nothing but dust.

playing with rhythm

was wondering when you'd come around tryin' t'live in uptown. giggly girl gonna-get put-up wif-stuff she don't know how to handle. pumping gas next t'a lit candle. i left this place back when i was under attack.. guess we never really leave home. guess we never really move on. guess we livin' in this town, with it's roots diggin' in deep, it's the only bit of land we need t'keep.. i'm just a shepherd without my sheep.

meteor sleep

I hit the pillow like meteor shower.
wrap blankets of smoke and dust
let the rain slip sediment slowly down
bringing the soft embrace of earth.
dig me up years from now.
use my resources.
i give them to you freely.
stripme of all i have to offer.
you deserve more than that.

10/3 Workshop Title Game (title thanks to Martha): Broken Pennies

I used to be copper
shined
lucky
with value
people placed their dreams in me
"Of course you can get it...
just save your pennies"
there were stores
where i was the currency of choice
excited children
trading shiny copper for candy
Now
I am more zinc
not enough copper to count
place flame under me
I do not glow blue
Do not give off beautiful hue
I just melt away inside...
my shell
crumpled
broken
No one saves me but collectors and couch cushions
left laying on the street
i think my luck is running out.

owwie

fall rain on the cheek brings the feeling of your fingertips further into my chest.
dig deep into me.
pull out my lungs.
you are all the breath i need.
the frozen night air will keep my organs fresh as you rip and pull.
feel the strands of muscle ache and stretch towards you.
i want to wrap my arms around your neck
let you gaze down into the cavity you've dug for yourself.
are you proud of your handiwork?

it is not going to go away.
this wound is fatal
so climb in quick
before i pass on
unable to feel you
under my skin

poetry... slam... prep... poem?

clothe me in armor as i sleep.
tomorrow i must be ready for fighting.
sharpen my battle-blade, my silver tongue.
it flicks back and forth across my foes,
bringing fear up to their faces
all the way from their toes.
i call them out to single combat.
the way kings avoided bloody war.
the life-wine has been flowing.
you're already drunk.

while i'm growing diamond-skin.
for i lay in the courage-maker.
you ready for me now?

before i sleep yet again

my bed is cold tonight... but the words of greater people than i warm my soul. it will not stay cold forever. these convection currents flow round me in swirling motions. i let it radiate off as i hold you tight. the heat we bring flowing out into the rest of the world.