the only thing that could make this night better is if i was getting laid. otherwise, perfect day, perfect night, let no pucks escape their sight, beware their power, the bruin's MIGHT.

four haiku from california

The hairs on the back
of my neck raise like the heads
of praying masses

the desert still feels
like the loving embrace of
cacti, snakes, and you

the sand and your hair
end up lasting longer than
our time together

(quote from my buddy jaeger)
"That crow carries your
soul." watch it struggle in
the mojavie's breath

You look like a sleeping city right before sunrise
A hundred thousand lovers slowly waking in each others arms
the sultry smile, the first kiss of the day
we rise like sunday morning. slow. restful.
the smell of flowers and vanilla linger on your skin
when we let water touch our soil bodies
the light of the morning smiles
you are always this beautiful.

2/30

Modern Day Phaeton Speaks to Apollo

Yo, dad!
the kids at school keep saying you arn't my real dad
and moms a slut, and i'm a bitch and i beat up a kid...
so mom got mad.
when i told them what they said, i heard her call you
and then she sent me to your house
but it's morning, and you're not home
i know i know, work...
but like... dad
I want to prove i am your son.
and last i heard maury povich only cared about parents who have doubts not their children
nor do i think he could get you to make a public appearence
i mean, it's been a few years.

1/30

if i am ever in a hospital bed, i will demand less comfort.
let the pain keep me awake.
dull it to a kitchen knife so it's bearable
but let it hurt me to sleep
let my bed be one of those cots
from the first great war
so i wont look small
I am not the kind of man to sink into mattresses
looking small and lost within sheets and pillows
i should look as i do standing
not quite tall, but not short
proud
with shoulders that show how much weight i have carried
hospital beds... are too comforting and too distant
i want to be next to my loved ones
leave out the rails
i'll behave (mostly)
and stay put like you tell me too

i just want to have them hold me when they say goodbye
without a distance separating us
death comes by inches
and when it comes for me
she'll find none to fit between us.

apology

it's like the time i was climbing to a cliff with my step dad
when i was young i would speak without thinking
feeling awkward
i started the day saying something
i dont remember what...

i'm not exactly old
hell i'm barely adult
more child than i'd care to admit
i still speak without thinking
the awkwardness is worse now

i've always been offensive
normally it's all joking
this is because when i want to offend
i want you to take it as a joke
no, i dont want to offend
i'm just offensive

not defensive
because the best defense
is a good offense
i'm so offensive
nothing could slip past me anyway

i'm cocky
i think it only takes a second to know me
i think i wear everything on my face
my past
my present
my future
cant you just look at my face and see it?

i'm wrong of course
i'm wrong a lot
like when i was climbing to a cliff
if i had been taller
it would've been hiking
but i was young
it was climbing a mountain
there was a rope to hold onto
we climbed for what seemed like eternity
in silence.

we ate sandwiches and chips and grapes
at the top
staring into beauty
in silence

we inhaled
he told me a story i dont remember
then we took a picture

remembering it is like a silent movie
i fill in the audio myself
things i wish i had said
things i should've asked
just to get perspective
just to know more

just to remember with another sense than my eyes

you, you i remember with more than just my eyes
i opened you up with my offense
tore down your walls
jumped off the cliff of decency
left us feeling
awkward

so now i'm climbing back up the mountain
i'm small, it's large
i dont know if i'll make it
i'll just climb

i drown
reaching out to a life preserver
knowing it's just going to sink with me

i am an anchor
stuck in a rock
pull me up.
pull me back on board
so your ship can sail
dont let me pull you down
held to the same spot
while the currents flow around you
as the tide goes out

dont let me ground you
sail on