backup man

i want to be your reserve force
that extra push of strength
the reinforcements

i do it for my country
which honestly i don't like all the time
and will for another seven years

why not be your backup plan
for when the first one fails
i'm always available

my job is to be constantly ready, to jump in at any moment

i cant think of anything more rewarding.

kid in manchester

i wish i was the prepubecent boy wearing UFC gloves and a mouthguard at midnight
tasting my own blood

american Q explains a flash-grenade teleportation device

In this day and age you can't just pop smoke and disappear my young man. with NVG and thermal vision it just doesn't work anymore to simply distract the eye and run to get out of a sticky situation. Now you've heard of flash-bangs of course, well we have invented the Flash-port. With this device merely focus your built in computer to a precise location and throw the grenade. It's light will burn the retinas of anyone staring at it so they become blind along with dissembling your molecular structure outwards in a small sphere then shooting them through space into your desired location where they will constrict back together to form you again. Think of it as one of those star-balls you got as a kid. it grows and separates into a ball that can bounce, but then comes back together forming it's original shape.

a nice line...

when you find that one step above me i'll smile as i send you on your way to something far sweeter than my lips and my heart

our hearts are like wires pumping electricity out of muscle making blood flow from point a to point b where i see you sitting there without a care knowing you caught my stare yet not shying away or lashing out you just sit there, slight pout, looking about like a bird looks at bread you drop on the ground without a sound knowing every, pound, of bird that eats the bread will feed the cat lead to where little birdy sleeps at.


sometimes when i fall asleep thinking about you
i wake up reaching for something that isnt there
my bed feels neglected because i have not really slept
i've just passed time there
waiting for you

what the fuck did i just write?

i like to drink energy drinks alone
closest thing i have to alcohol
i sip down thier flavor
an aquired taste
let it fizzle on the tounge
staring to the sky
wondering...
wondering...
wondering why i'm smoking another ciggarette
i wish the smell of cowboy killers and cloves
could be put into a perfume
i want the world to smell like tobacco
unsmoked
sometimes i keep a ciggarette in my lips as i go to sleep
just to have that smell
no smoke at all
let my heartrate fall
its beating a mile a minuet
and i know it wont last long
i'm good out the gate
but unless i catch a good stride
i'm fatal before i finish

sometimes i drink 5 energy drinks a day
to go with at least a gallon of water
i wish i had a calorie counter
but i think she'd have a heart attack
knowing how much shit goes in my system
how much of everythign i just let process through
i use up a lot of it
if not all of it
it hurts

because i'm far away from you
and no matter how long i seem to run
no matter what mountains i realize i can climb
i still cant get to you

i cant fight mother earth and father time
cant drive them to move faster
cant offer them a drink to speed up their hearts
they're too big for me

so i try to speed myself up instead
time is supposed to be relative
if i move faster so should time
spin me around like the flash
let me go all the way to the future
let me explore the depths of the past
let me see your smile

i am disconnected cables
little bits of static jumping through
in purple lightning bolts
my mind is like a playdoh barbershop
fibers pushed through little molds
seperating them like cheese

sometimes... i eat cheese crackers
and sip on energy drinks
while i sit alone
wondering why i'm smoking another ciggarette
trying to learn the reason for a heart
beatingsofast
keeping time
ticking
so
slow

sometimes i think i'm crazy...
i hope you dont mind.

bibliomancy

when i was young
i read in a book
it may or may not
have been a harry potter companion
about a thing called
bibliomancy
the magic of books

a stupid thing to say
since books were always magic
but i fell in love with the idea

what you do
is form a question in your head
find a book you have a connection with
thumb the pages as you quetly think
eyes closed
focus on the question
open to a random page
run fingers across until it feels like you should stop
read the word
the sentance
or the passage
and perhaps it will make more sense
or you'll gain a new outlook or idea
something

now and again
when lost
i practice bibliomancy
and ask my question.

one night
i asked if i would have the strength
to prevent myself from the temptation
with all the foolish choices around me each day
could i be strong enough to resist
since i've had the habit so many times before
weakness is something i've been working to rid myself

the book i had on hand
was a new testament, psalms, and proverbs
a military edition
desert camo
given to me by an army vietnam vetran
i shook his hand
wished him a good day
told him to hydrate
thanked him for his service
he was missing half a thumb on the right
and one of the fingers on his left hand

when i opened the book
chose my passage
it began the story
of jesus and the adultress
let those without sin cast the first stone
so commonly taken from that story
but the better message
is when he says to the woman
"Where are your accusers? Has no one condemmed you?"
and she replies
"no one lord"
to which he says
"Then neither do i"

it's funny jesus says
in my modern terms
"is anyone saying you have done wrong?"
"nope, i think i'm good"
"then you're good"

what it tells me though
is that if i think i'll be strong enough
than i will

i'm worrying over nothing.

i put my april 30/30 on facebook guys, sorry.

current horoscope

You're dealing with relationship issues with a new determination -- you might force your mate or kids to sit down and hear you out, or you might seek out a new partner through new means

you know what the issue is?
9 hours of time difference
fucking me over
every day
cause i miss her...

you know what the issue is?
fucking temptation being so easy
and my dick
begging me
to get permission
or asking for it
because it's little bitchass
hasnt been given attention in forever

or maybe it's teh fact that i could cheat so well.
but i dont want to!
i mean fuck!
i was the one who decided i wanted this relationship
n now i'm getting all fucked up
because one chick decides to show me some attention?

fuck horoscopes.
my problem is all playing with time.

not dead yet

new poems are coming soon. gonna fix up some of my 30/30(perhaps 60/30) poems and post'm here as well as facebook.

the desert has been pretty good for poetry

IEDs and me

i keep thinking of those videos
propoganda for terrorists
or perhaps just for the anti-american
how blood boiled
my heart sickened
my eyes forced open
you cant let yourself look away
not when you know
that you'll be the one
guarding that gate
checking that vehical
searching that person
who may or may not
be ready to kill you
and all those you are trying to protect

i saw IEDs blow up convoys and humvees
a flash with smoke
it's not as dramatic as the movies make
no fireball
no flames flickering afterwards
just black smoke
and knowing those inside that vehicle
arnt alive anymore.

i saw a young marine
complacent in his area
not showing the aggressive
assertive
asskicking stance
that we're trained to have
for both friend and foe
no matter how many times we've seen them
get blown up
a vehicle with a bomb
someone who worked at that base for years
studying us
surveying us
sedating our minds with a sense of

friendship.


during our combat patrol practical application
i volenteered to carry the radio
my MOS is 0621
feild radio operator
i was hoping to get a little expiriance
before i headed off to my schooling
we were ambushed
and afterwards they explained how we bunched up
how we followed a set path instead of running through the abundant woods
how if it were real combat we would've been destroyed

then we were hit by an IED
our dispersion along the road was good so we only had 3 causualties out of our squad
consisting of 24 people

that was good
3 people who would've died
i was in the rear of our formation
by the time i called it in to EOD
and ran to the front
those casualties would've already lost have thier time
drastically needed for medevac
which could only be called in by me

it made me realize i need to get faster
a lot faster

there's a million places i could get sent
or attached to
humvees, convoys, FABs, armor units, you name it
but i have this gut feeling
this itch with every explosion i see
i'll get put with the infantry
and ill have to make that call

it's a flip flop of hte stomach
turning over again and again and again
POP
black smoke
as fast as a rifle fires
yet deadlier
disguised
dealing death from afar

the senior marines
tell us how we haven't seen shit yet
i believe them
but i can't do much
other than wait
for my time to come

i just hope when it does
i'm faster
smarter
more observant

so i can kill the enemy
before they kill me.

i do not speak hands
i do not speak feeling
i only speak with one language
this one
i am ignorant
i am sorry

poems from bootcamp

holding history in my hands
letting legacy slip through fingers
like sand through the sift
catching only big pieces
not minute details
we are legacy killers
let the blood of our forefathers
their sweat and tears
fly out our lazy lips
as we spit on the ground they laid before us