1/30

if i am ever in a hospital bed, i will demand less comfort.
let the pain keep me awake.
dull it to a kitchen knife so it's bearable
but let it hurt me to sleep
let my bed be one of those cots
from the first great war
so i wont look small
I am not the kind of man to sink into mattresses
looking small and lost within sheets and pillows
i should look as i do standing
not quite tall, but not short
proud
with shoulders that show how much weight i have carried
hospital beds... are too comforting and too distant
i want to be next to my loved ones
leave out the rails
i'll behave (mostly)
and stay put like you tell me too

i just want to have them hold me when they say goodbye
without a distance separating us
death comes by inches
and when it comes for me
she'll find none to fit between us.

apology

it's like the time i was climbing to a cliff with my step dad
when i was young i would speak without thinking
feeling awkward
i started the day saying something
i dont remember what...

i'm not exactly old
hell i'm barely adult
more child than i'd care to admit
i still speak without thinking
the awkwardness is worse now

i've always been offensive
normally it's all joking
this is because when i want to offend
i want you to take it as a joke
no, i dont want to offend
i'm just offensive

not defensive
because the best defense
is a good offense
i'm so offensive
nothing could slip past me anyway

i'm cocky
i think it only takes a second to know me
i think i wear everything on my face
my past
my present
my future
cant you just look at my face and see it?

i'm wrong of course
i'm wrong a lot
like when i was climbing to a cliff
if i had been taller
it would've been hiking
but i was young
it was climbing a mountain
there was a rope to hold onto
we climbed for what seemed like eternity
in silence.

we ate sandwiches and chips and grapes
at the top
staring into beauty
in silence

we inhaled
he told me a story i dont remember
then we took a picture

remembering it is like a silent movie
i fill in the audio myself
things i wish i had said
things i should've asked
just to get perspective
just to know more

just to remember with another sense than my eyes

you, you i remember with more than just my eyes
i opened you up with my offense
tore down your walls
jumped off the cliff of decency
left us feeling
awkward

so now i'm climbing back up the mountain
i'm small, it's large
i dont know if i'll make it
i'll just climb

i drown
reaching out to a life preserver
knowing it's just going to sink with me

i am an anchor
stuck in a rock
pull me up.
pull me back on board
so your ship can sail
dont let me pull you down
held to the same spot
while the currents flow around you
as the tide goes out

dont let me ground you
sail on

backup man

i want to be your reserve force
that extra push of strength
the reinforcements

i do it for my country
which honestly i don't like all the time
and will for another seven years

why not be your backup plan
for when the first one fails
i'm always available

my job is to be constantly ready, to jump in at any moment

i cant think of anything more rewarding.

kid in manchester

i wish i was the prepubecent boy wearing UFC gloves and a mouthguard at midnight
tasting my own blood

american Q explains a flash-grenade teleportation device

In this day and age you can't just pop smoke and disappear my young man. with NVG and thermal vision it just doesn't work anymore to simply distract the eye and run to get out of a sticky situation. Now you've heard of flash-bangs of course, well we have invented the Flash-port. With this device merely focus your built in computer to a precise location and throw the grenade. It's light will burn the retinas of anyone staring at it so they become blind along with dissembling your molecular structure outwards in a small sphere then shooting them through space into your desired location where they will constrict back together to form you again. Think of it as one of those star-balls you got as a kid. it grows and separates into a ball that can bounce, but then comes back together forming it's original shape.

a nice line...

when you find that one step above me i'll smile as i send you on your way to something far sweeter than my lips and my heart